White Fragility, Chapter Ten

In Chapter Ten of White Fragility, Robin Diangelo addresses white fragility again, but this time, chronologically with steps of how the concept comes out to play. The author points out the fact that she has been working with white people for a long time and hosting workshops that she sees a continuous pattern at hand. She seems to be confident that she figured out the way of the whites when it comes to giving them feedback about racism and anything regarding race. “To not give [feedback] at all” is the claim she makes to not trigger white fragility (Diangelo 123). Therefore, she is making a statement that you cannot prevent white fragility if race is mentioned. Race is the trigger of white fragility, what causes the whites to be sensitive and react so defensively. So do not give them feedback when it comes to the topic. Then, Diangelo goes on to list more rules if someone plans to offer a white person feedback on racism. And she is very specific about it too, probably because she knows how fragile a white person can get about it.

But I feel like some of the rules she states could really apply to any situation where somebody is giving feedback or giving advice to another person. One of the rules she gives is that it is important to use a proper and positive tone when doing so. Diangelo states “If any emotion is displayed, the feedback is invalid and can be dismissed” (124). This is very true in many situations. If you are the person trying to give feedback and your tone seems negative and improper, do you think the person that is receiving the feedback more likely to listen or not listen to your advice? Not listen, because then that person will catch a weird vibe from it and question if your feedback is really worth listening to. It is better if the person receiving feedback feels comfortable talking with you about the topic of discussion, that they would be more likely to hear you out.

Another one of Diangelo’s rules is “Our relationship must be issue-free—if there are issues between us, you cannot give me feedback on racism until these unrelated issues are resolved” (124). This is an important aspect in relationships too. I feel like it is harder to talk about a newer topic with someone who you have issues with. It is better if you resolve those issues before you bring up another issue because then the conditions of the older issue could interfere with how you stand on the more recent issue, because there are grudges being held and there is still tension between the two. So, it is difficult to hear advice from someone you are angry with or from someone you have a problem with. And then you may feel that you have to disagree with that person because of those issues… when in reality, you have the same opinions on the topic but do not want to express them due to the awkwardness of the situation.